Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
This just in, via email from wifey. I found this a bit interesting and for those who are still contemplating on who to vote.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
=============================
~~Happiness is a journey, not a destination~~
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
=============================
~~Happiness is a journey, not a destination~~
3 Comments:
::Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton:: That is the funniest thing I have heard all morning!!! I spit my coffee all over the computer when I read it. So I just began randomly thinking random thoughts at this random hour and the movie Office Space jumped to my mind. You ever see it? Well Comcast is the living replica of that movie; you should make an entry about how work sucks and give us little guys some inspiration to keep the gun out of our mouthes for the next 30 years of our life. But anyway, I thought I'd just say some random shit just to be cool; the random blurbs of my epicurean theorem. Oh shit, I just referred to philosophy. And for all of Jay's friends reading this comment, no I'm not a crackhead, I'm just typing like this to keep everyone entertained. And don't forget...DON'T LET THE MAN GET YOU DOWN. H0LL4!
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